In my Psychotherapy counselling course, we have been studying the subject of congruence. 

Congruence is a term used by Carl Rogers (a humanistic psychologist) to describe a state in

which a person’s ideal self and actual experience match, and are consistent - or, very similar.

Does your ideal self-match your actual self?

The issue with living a life of incongruence is that it causes feelings of stress and anxiety, which leads to poor mental and physical health, not to mention a life of unhappiness.

The reason we form a ‘false’ self is because from a very young age, we develop belief systems based on our environment and influences from the significant people in our lives. 

We’re shaped by the experiences we live. How we learn (or are taught) to respond, will create coping and defence mechanisms. 

As children, we continually evaluate our surroundings for risk and safety. If we do not

feel safe,we develop ways to survive. 

Its also worth noting it doesn’t have to be extreme trauma that makes children feel scared and unsafe - a stressed out, exhausted parent shouting at their children to get dressed, eat their breakfast, put on their shoes for the millionth time, can be enough to trigger the flight or flight response in a child. 

Before you go beating yourself up because you did

this only this morning, you are only human, but this is why its so important to understand ourselves better, so we can act in a more empowered way.

The coping strategies we develop in childhood aren’t always healthy and do continue into adult life, holding us back from our true potential and living a congruent life, (as well as making us lose our patience with our kids).

If you want to find out more about how you can live life better and more in alignment with your

ideal self, then book in a free consultation call with me.

Or, explore our brand new website further to learn more about our services at Change Your World and how we can help you and your teams.

With Love,

Suzy